Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
