I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
