Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
