where am i from again
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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