Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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