Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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