Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
