so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
