I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
