i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
