Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
