He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
sex in a hospital.. check
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
