Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
