College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
