Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
