Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
