please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
