she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
