You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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