i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
