He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
