i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
