i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
