I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
