oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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