Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
