Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
