His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
