Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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