batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
