Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
