no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
