got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
