hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
