I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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