She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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