I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
