Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
