and you said cock pushups were impossible
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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