I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
