I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize