Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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