I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
