look no pants
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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