dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
