New invention idea: vibrating tampons
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize