So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
