I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
