i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
