Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
