I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
