I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
