just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
