Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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