My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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