I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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