we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
