i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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