she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's never too late to be topless.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
