my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
