Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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