His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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