The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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