we have officially lost it.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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