I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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