ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
