Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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