good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Pants are for mortals
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize