That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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