i think i have two assholes
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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