Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
they're like a gay fantastic four
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
