i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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