So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
