I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
