if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
