did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
