This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
