Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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