If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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