i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize