All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
