no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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