I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
